If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
