im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
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