There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
