Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
