You smell like stripper and shame
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize