I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
