I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
sarcasm needs its own font
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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