and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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