is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
