i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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