why didn't you poke me back
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
