TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
