I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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