legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
