why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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