party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
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