I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
