is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We don't watch enough power rangers
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
