wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
