I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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