He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
