who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
