they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
