I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
