I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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