Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize