But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
