your parents love me but you hate me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
