I like my sex mixed with concussions.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
