I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
