guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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