Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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