it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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