Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
