I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
