I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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