we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
