i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
