the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
