You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
