i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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