Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
