Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
