so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He passed out mid-signature
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
