I hate your face
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
