She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
