i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
