Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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