would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Randomize
