so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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