so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
