I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize