i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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