i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
