I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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