you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize