When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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