I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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