It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
