i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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