maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
How's work?
Spinning.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
