no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
