Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
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you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
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I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.