whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.