Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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