Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
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Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
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He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt