I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.