i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight