there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
