I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
