My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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