dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
