i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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