She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
