dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
