You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
