mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
